Missteetersperber's Journals

Let's Git Physical with Teeter and 31 Corn Lane!

Hang tuff girls, you look great out there!
So check it: In 2009, 31CL is hoping to finally buckle down and makefitness a top priority. Since doing this is kindof zero percent fun(laziness #1!) we totes need all y'all to do it with us.

That's why we're offering our special Quilted Gym Duffle
for just $15.00 - but only from January 15th until January 20th.

And notto name check or anything, but look at the name check we're about todrop: Shawn Johnson (our nation's most beloved gymnastix champ style teen tiny flipper) totally rocks one to the gym. We know fer a very solid fact. Jus' sayin!

Cheer kick it out at: http://www.31cornlane.com

xoxo, The Sperber Sisters of 31 Corn Lane Totebag and Accessories Mini-Empire

Cooper Sanchez is a full-time artist.

Cooper Sanchez is from THE SOUTH and will be the first to let you know it. As impossibly humble as he is commited to his geographic roots, this here dude is one the most inherently gifted fine artists of our generation. Heâ�™s an old soul picture maker with more depth and breadth than most of his creative contemporaries; equal parts sensitive and aggro, wild and tame, brilliant and bananas. Heâ�™s made tour posters for Built to Spill, the best indie rock band ever ever and has even phone-chatted with Doug Martsch, their lead singer, about religion and the meaning of life.
Cooper Sanchez is an extra terrific person.

Someday if you wanted to, you could have a job just like his.

********

My first exposure to you as a human was most unusual. Might you be able to describe it to the readership? List yr version below, and then I am going to list mine right after it. Overlook no details; this is the VERY BEST STORY of friendship in my entire friendship back-catalogue! You/I/We must use the following words: Jerry, poop, serendipity, amazing, and poop (again.) Or not, itâ�™s ok either way.

Yrs/Coops:
Well, alright. I was a front man for a punk band around 96-97 living in Savannah, Georgia and I was sort of insane. There was this sleazy guy who was a "talent" scout for the Jerry Springer show. He had some lame scenario ideas that he wanted me to do for the show. I said no to them but then came up with one that I thought was better. I was The Diaper Boy on a show themed "I Have a Bizarre Sex Life". My friend Mike was also on the show wearing a bra and panties. We tore shit up. It was very unbelievable and over the top. I was drunk and disrespectful to Jerry.

The show really jumped the shark after that episode. See, you have to understand that when I did this the show was still somewhat mysterious. No one knew for sure what was going on and people actually watched every day.

I come from Rome, Georgia - a small Southern town, so my performance really went over like a fart in a submarine. People there thought that I actually wore diapers and that I was going to hell. Also, all of these baby fetish guys wanted to kill me for making a mockery of their gig! The whole thing was a big mistake that I am a little proud of: http://www.aby.com/springer.html

Mine/Teets: It was many moons ago; I was bored and had just finished rollerskating my way across lower Manhattan. I barreled into my West Village apartment, popped on Springer and began to melt in front of the blue glow of the Tube. First thing I saw was this skinny pixie boy with giant messy brown hair, eyes and chops, striped tube socks yanked up real high-like, wearing old Saucony sneakers - stomping about the stage, yelling at the audience in a thick Southern accent. I was immediately fascinated and remember thinking to myself â�œGeez, this boy looks like the very kind of boy that could be my very very good pal.â� I never forgot that episode, but never really spoke about it again. Untilâ�¦

********

How did we finally end up meeting in real life? Again, list yr version and then I am going to list mine after! Fair and balanced!

Yrs/Coops:
We were both in Hoboken to see Built to Spill and you were behind me and kept poking me with an umbrella. You'd never met a stranger, huh?

Mine/Teets:
While I donâ�™t remember poking you with an umbrella, I do remember walking into Maxwellâ�™s (note: legendary NJ rock venue) and seeing you all crouched in the corner of the room by yrself. You looked extra cute/superfamiliar yet I couldnâ�™t place you fer the life of me. Later in the evening I cruised up, all chatty style, and asked you a bazillion questions to try and put you into context in my brain. Then I realized you were The Diaper Boy from Jerry Springer and my mind was completely blown. For the remainder of the night you stomped about the streets of Dirty NYC yelling at my sisters and I in a thick Southern accent about yr loyalty to cheap beer and how we shouldnâ�™t think weâ�™re better than everyone else. I was immediately and permanently yr bestie for life.

********

So we hung pretty tight during the short time you lived in Dirty NYC. Clearly one of the many things that we connected on was how effing mind-bendingly powerful and awesome and double brilliant Built to Spill was. Discuss yr feelings about this band.
(OMG I LOVE THEM SO BAD EVEN STILL WHY DO I HAVE NO MUSICAL LETTING-GO SKILLS?)

Perfect From Now On is still my favorite album ever. I have never heard anything so huge. The lyrics really capture infinity and religion and questioning God and such. It still gets me. Doug Martsch (previously mentioned BTS lead singer and lyricist) is a really interesting person, too. We crushed hard on that dude, right?

********

As previously mentioned, yr a born and raised Southern Boy. (Whattup, Rome Georgia!?) Talk about how being from the South has shaped you.

The South is funky and old and insecure. The culture is very unique and full of dark hocus-pocus. Atlanta cracks me up sometimes because it tries so hard to be cosmopolitan and big city but it is still surrounded by the South no matter how chic it tries to be inside the perimeter. It bums me out that a lot of Southern creatives feel they have to flee to NYC in order to have a successful career. Quality of life is key. We might even move back to Savannah!

********

Though you'd be hard-pressed to admit it, yr one of our generations most talented fine artists - and a total Atlanta area art superstar. Cause yr so darn stubborn about realizing how fameous and crazybrains talented you are, yr brilliant, beautiful and equally talented wife, Michelle, is going to answer this question, posing as you: Cooper, how did you go about creating such an amazing name for yourself and yr art?

(Realnotreal) answer: I work hard and I keep a busy schedule.

Example of a typical day:

6am - It's me, I'm a spicy brown Sanchez, and this is what time I get up every mornin' ma'am.

7am - Made coffee, run my border collie (Hank), returned e-mails and planned my day

8am - Rode my bike to landscaping

9am - Diggin' up arugula and carrots in an organic garden for clients

10am - Michelle's just gettin' coherent

Noon- Off to the library; Made 12 by 12 (12 phone calls by noon)

3pm - Built a panel and sketched out my next painting

4pm - Worked on drawings for the book I'm working on

5pm - Workin, workin

6pm - Already gone to the store, whipping up some cheese grits and whatnot while sippin' some brew

7pm - Fantasizing about working on a shrimp boat on the Georgia coast; listening to some tunes in my studio; Call my brother (a.k.a. The Meeg)

8pm - Reading a book about Elephants

9pm- Chit chat paddywhack

Midnight - Dreaming of swinging on some vines -- monkey style

I don't know about a name for myself down here in the dirty south with all the art happenin's in NY, but I love what I do, and I love making art.

********

What advice would you give to someone looking to be a full-time artist? Are you represented by a gallery? How does that even work? And "don't be an artist" doesn't count as an answer! Nor does laughter as a reaction to the phrase "full-time artist."

Well, I am still feeling this out for myself. I keep trying to do what's best on any given day. Representation can be a hindrance. If you deal with a gallery, they should supply more than wall space and show invitations. Make your own decisions and make sure there is always a fair exchange. Other than that, be honest in your work.

********

Somehow my band, LadybiRdS, got lucky enuff to have you and Miss Michelle, yr amazing ladypartner-in-crime, create the artwork for our debut record. It is so very beautiful it makes me want to cry. Please tell me what yr and Lady M's speech would consist of if it wins a Grammy for Best Package Design Ever of All Time Ever Ever, like I want it to in the fantasy netherworld of my brain and heart.

K, so I'll set the stage: You guys are at the Kodak Theater, nestled snugly in yr seats between Joey Fatone and Jenna Elfman. Cooper, yr wearing a cream colored tux with an old-man tartan plaid cumberbun and dirty Saucony sneakers. Michelle, yr wearing yr ill-fitting Jessica McClintock prom dress from high school with black Converse low tops and black laces - the universal sign of punk rock - and yr hair is huge-n-crimped. So, like I said, Wilmer Valderamma calls yr guyses names as the winners for Best Record Package Design Ever of All Time Of Any Package Design Ever Made Ever Ever and the two of you, with yr dog Hank in tow, roll up to the front, hand in hand, and say:

"Thank you Wilmer. I'd like to give love to Teeter and Jesus for this amazing opportunity. LadybiRdS are the most important band since the Eagles and we are just thrilled to be a part of this entire LadybiRdS experience." "Woof!"

********

What are some of yr most favorite projects, commercial and personal, that you've worked on? (You can say LadybiRdS, I won't be embarrassed.)

Well, the LadybiRdS package design is the only thing that comes to my mind. Really, that overshadows everything else.

********

I was a way late musical bloomer. You were the very first person to teach me about T. Rex and the MC5, didja even know that!? Probably not cause I bet at the time I gold-fronted like I already knew about them. What musics are you loving these days and in life in general? (Again, LadybiRdS is a totally feasible answer.)

Michelle is rockin' Bob Seeger and LadybiRdS.
I have been listening to Creedence Clearwater Revival B-sides. We saw Arcade Fire play this month, which really made me a fan. Will Oldham, The Black Lips, Brass Castle, Bob Dylan. Also, I canâ�™t help but think that the White Stripes just keep getting better and better. Lil' Jon, too.

********

What can we expect from yr geniusness in the future?

Not really genius but Iâ�™m working on self-publishing a picture book and painting a lot. We went to London recently and I saw A TON of great old art, so I am really inspired.

********

Cooper â�“
I am so glad I know you guys, please always continue to be two of my besties fer life. Kthxawsm. Also, I was totally kidding about all three forced LadybiRdS mentions! Sware!
Love, Teet

Teeter â�“
You have always been one of my most favorites and you know it. You made NYC hospitable and fun for my narrow ass. Sperbers rule! Hank's coming to visit you at Goonie Beach.
Love, Coop

********

(Coops (and Michelle!) made our (LadybiRdS) album cover. We could not love it more.)

http://www.coopersanchez.com/

David Lewis is a full-time musics publicist.

Having a friend and work associate like David Lewis is a super special life treat. Not only is the dude effing brilliant, but heâ�™s clever to boot and has a sense of honesty and integrity coursing through his veins that few people in the music industry can claim. He runs a thriving Chicago-based PR firm, Riot Act Public Relations, that represents a gaggle of awesome bands. The most admirable part of his operation is that youâ�™ll only find music-makers on his roster that he clearly believes in ten bazillion percent. Hereâ�™s a glimpse at the life and history of one of rock and rolls most legit-n-amazing publicists.

Someday if you wanted to, you could have a job just like his.

****

David Lewis! Tell the kids yr town of origin, yr high school's mascot, what the topic of yr college application essay was, your top 3 records of sophomore year, and the fanciest store in yr local mall. Go!

Hey dude. I was born in Sheffield, England actually. But moved to Branford, Connecticut. Home of the Branford Hornets. We had a bee. I always skipped pep rallies to smoke with the metal kids in the woods. Sophomore year was a weird time. Public Image Limited, Fugazi and The Bangles I think. Iâ�™m not trying to be cool either. I always had weird taste. I would listen to my Bangles cassette single for Eternal Flame over and over again. Cry for the entire song. Then rewind and start over. My mom was concerned.

How did you break into the business of musics: Internship? Merch lad? Drummer? Disgruntled counter boy at a Sam Goody? Came upon a windfall of cash after winning a civil case against Cinnabon for irreparable damage caused to yr upper palate by the lava-like white icing?

I went to shows and like most teenagers I was shy and weird. Super nervous even at these weird gigs where nobody cared. I figured out early on that if I was the guy in charge I could...you know kind puff out my chest and have a purpose. So I started booking shows at 15 or 16. At first hardcore stuff and Oi punk bands. Then eventually I was booking bands like Chisel or The Wrens. Early on. Cat Power, Bright Eyes. I once booked Death Cab For Cutie, Atom & His Package, The Explosion, and Hot Rod Circuit at a venue in Connecticut. Like 30 people paid. I think I gave Death Cab $15 gas money. I hope they donâ�™t remember that.

Eventually I moved to Chicago. I was selling merch for my friends in AM/FM. This girl Joan Hiller was selling merch for American Analog Set. She worked for Jessica Hopper who was running Hopper PR at the time. She asked me if I ever wanted to be a publicist and I said, â�œWhatâ�™s that?â� A few months later I knew...

Word on the streets is that you went to art school. How awkward was it when you had to draw an actual naked person?

I went to the Art Institute Of Chicago. Itâ�™s a school with no grades and something I will be paying off for like the next 40 years. But we had an open course load. So I didnâ�™t have to draw per se. I canâ�™t really do much traditional art. I did more video projects and writing. I did take one drawing class and left after the first day. The weird thing is that the models just arenâ�™t that hot. My wife has a story wherein she took a class and the model brought his girlfriend with. When he took breaks they would cuddle and make out. Kinda gross. Right?

We know each other. How/Why?

Well...you and I went to Vegas in 1997 and got arrested for peeing on a slot machine in the MGM Grand. Thatâ�™s not true. Also doesnâ�™t make any sense, really.

You worked at Hopper before I did. So I knew you through that and weâ�™ve been in touch for years. But honestly we didnâ�™t meet until 2007. 7 years after we first spoke on the phone. We just met like 2 months ago. I described myself to you as the love child of Craig Finn and John Cusak. But the more I think about it thatâ�™s not right. I think I look more like a hot Edward Norton mixed with equal parts chiseled Brad Pitt and American Psycho-era Christian Bale plus about 60 pounds and minus about 60 million dollars.

You slay at yr job of musics publicist. I, at one time, was also a musics publicist, so I can ache like you ache. What is your favorite part of the job? Is it calling people on the phone, getting to go to shows as a job, or scoring a review for LadybiRdS in Thrasher Magazine (SUP)?

I love PR. I think the hardest part is really empathizing with the writers and editors whom have to dig through literally thousands of guys like me every day. Everyone is being paid to have an opinion. I take pride and skirt the issue by simply working bands I believe in. Thatâ�™s not to say whoever does PR for...ummm, Hinder doesnâ�™t like Hinder or isn't legit, but I work with bands from a community. Some are pretty big, some not so much, but as long as these bands come from my extended family then I feel like I can be a conduit or advocate for their press. I also feel that way for bands I donâ�™t work per se but still come from this same world; I will big up Ted Leo till the day I die because he rules.

Oh I just reread your question. My favorite part of the job. Honestly itâ�™s working something and feeling like you had some impact on the arch of the band. Like made a dent in a tangible way with your efforts.

Your superincredible company, Riot Act Public Relations, just joined forces with another superincredible company from Los Angeles called Sargent House. Tell us more about this exciting new development! This question brought to you by Riot Act Sargent House Intell Frito Lay Corp.

Yeah Cathy Pellow is rad. She owns Sargent House and is just a real music fan. Sargent House is kind hard to talk about because itâ�™s not concrete or definable in some ways. By design itâ�™s open to interpretation and change. Cathy manages a slew of great bands: These Arms Are Snakes, Daughters, Rx Bandits, Maps & Atlases, Matt Embree, Russian Circles, Nurses, Moonrats, and Days Away. But the company is not like the sort of typical management firm. No douche bags allowed. The first time I met Cathy was at a These Arms Are Snakes show in New York. She danced so hard she fell off the stage. Who dances at shows? And not slam dancing. Like she straight up felt the music. I was smitten. So when we got a chance to work together in a broader sense it was a no brainer.

Sargent House is also a label if need be. We are releasing Maps & Atlases EP and the new Nurses record in September. Riot Act is the PR component and there is also Refused TV, which is both a production company and a TV show. All in all itâ�™s about taking care of these bands and really trying to put good music into the world. I am pretty honored to be involved at all.

We've talked about how, in general, you roll pretty shy guy styles. This is interesting because being a publicist requires a real chit-chatty, brodeo-like nature. How do get around the shyness when yr at a business dinner and there's a lull in the conversation and you know it's yr in to pitch yr band du jour/go time?

I think thatâ�™s whatâ�™s weird about it. I am not shy when doing this job. I think most people who know me would say I am quiet. Like a serial killer really. Ok not really, but I am happy being behind the scenes. At the end of the day I feel pretty soft spoken. I also donâ�™t roll with my agenda on my sleeve. I donâ�™t think I would ever bring up a client in a business dinner. I might talk about bands, but I donâ�™t believe in the hard sell. I know editors and writers get it and I feel like a conversation about something real will always last longer than a pitch meeting.

And, to take yr shyness one step further, you've told me thatcha have lotsa phobias. Yr not afraid to talk about them, which is super rad! What are they exactly? You've also said that these fears give punk rock special meaning to you. How so? Feel free to talk about the most private stuff possible, since this is only the Internet and forever.

Yeah I try to talk about this stuff because it was such an issue growing up. Not so much now, but I had some serious agoraphobia, lots of panic attacks. Lots of neurotic tendencies. But what you come to realize is that so many people go through that and as you get older you think, â�œhonestly if I was with someone and they pass out because they were freaked out or whateverâ� I wouldnâ�™t make fun of them I would want to make sure they knew it wasnâ�™t outside the norm, that it was ok. That they were ok. So I would always go to shows when I was younger to meet girls or to be a part of something, but wound up puking or getting wound up. Normal feelings I guess, but I think the punk scene made me feel a little less awkward because everyone was a mess...which now that I am a little older I like, I like nervous people, being a mess. I like the quiet kids. I think I got into this job because it was such a challenge for me: the socially phobic publicist is a total oxymoron but also makes perfect sense to me.

Backstory: A little bird told me that you threw up on yr now-wife on yr first date. OMG, is this true? Details, please. PS - Yr a total dream dude, sayin.

Yeah in terms of nerves girls were the worst. My wife doesnâ�™t really fuck around. She told me she liked me and wanted to go out. I was such a mess I couldnâ�™t talk. So we just walked around and I dry heaved in the alley next to the Vic Theatre. She married me though. We have a baby and itâ�™s been 6 years. So I have to be worth it...

As a black belt nerd, you enjoy playing and reviewing video games. Who do you review them for? Yr feelings, if any, on Guitar Hero? OMG LOVE IT SO BAD.

I did. I donâ�™t so much these days because I am so busy. I wrote for Time Out Chicago for a bit and then for a publication in Connecticut called Play Magazine. I love games but I feel like I talk about them more than play them. I do have an Xbox360 and love Fight Night Round 3. Itâ�™s at my office right now that I share with the guys at Flameshovel. We take breaks and I gotta say I kick everyoneâ�™s ass.

Since yr new to the world of driving, have you yet completed the following drivers rites of passage: Flipping off a fresh direct truck, honking at an SUV, parallel parking by Braille/repeatedly bumping the cars in front and in back, getting flipped off by a USPS truck, having someone make you cry during the NYC street cleaning alternate side of the street Battledome parking melee, and/or spilling a Dunkinâ�™ Donuts 64 oz cauldron o'coffee all over due to a really sharp turn, probably taken in order to cut off a cab? Please note: the judges will also accept a 32 oz. coffee, and wouldn't mind a donut, if yr already going and everything. Thenx!

I just drove across country. 18 hours straight alone from Connecticut to Chicago. I got my first ticket in Ohio. I was going 85 in a 65. I was air drumming to Slayer after drinking like 6 double shots from Starbucks. I found out today that the ticket is for $200. If I donâ�™t pay I think they put out a warrant for me. Which sounds tough. It might get me laid. To be a fugitive. Fingers crossed.

What's on yr to do list for today, and on your goals page in your day runner for tomorrow?

Oh. Just so much really. Building websites. Doing administrative stuff. And keeping up with email. Trying to find that balance between being persistent and being a pest with various editors and writers. But ultimately I have a ton going on: Ladybirds of course, Maritime record, Mannequin Men, Nurses, Maps & Atlases, The One Am Radio, Rx Bandits, Russian Circles, These Arms Are Snakes. All touring. Most releasing fall records. Also getting geared up for 2008, which is looking pretty awesome.

What kindof adviceses wouldja give to a teen looking to get involved in the world of musics publicists?

Just have heart and passion for it. Give it time. Work with your friends and donâ�™t look for money. I have a family and support them doing this. For that I am really lucky, but I have also done it for the better part of 16 years. Many of those I spent paying out of my pocket just to be involved. If you are smart you can intern your way up. Everything takes much longer than expected. Many bands forget this too. Nirvana, Sonic Youth, Death Cab For Cutie, whoever. These bands did not blow up overnight. This took years. I am sure many almost broke up. Many do. Just stay the course and be kind, have vision. Youâ�™ll be fine.

-http://www.riotactmedia.com-

Emma Forrest is a full-time writer.

As a general rule and always out of nowhere, Emma Forrest will say the FUNNIEST and SILLIEST things. She started her career as a professional writer when she was 15 years old and living in England. At 21, she had her first novel published and has since written and released two more. Not too shabby! In unrelated news, she looks almost EXACTLY like Keisha Castle-Hughes, the super young Oscar-nominated actress who starred in the movie Whale Rider. In fact, the two look so strikingly similar that on the evening of the 2004 Academy Awards, Emma, who also attended - received many Hi-Fives from celebrity strangers congratulating her on her most excellent work in the film. Keisha was 14 at the time, Emma was 27. Ah-mazing. In addition to this, she and Old Dirty Bastard used to be in love.

Someday if you wanted to, you could have a job just like hers.

***

Ok, so yr a full-on Brit - talk to the kidz about growing up and
getting your professional start as a writer over there in the Great
UK. Did you always know you wanted to be a writer? Leave no deets out!

I became a journalist when I when I was very young, fifteen when the
first story ran (a review of Erotica by Madonna). We didn't have a fax
machine at our house so my dad would DRIVE my articles to the
newspapers when I'd finished them. How amazing is that? For my school
newspaper I had interviewed Nigella Lawson who is now a chef but was
then a writer. She is the first one who suggested me to a "real"
paper, which was the London Evening Standard. The the Sunday Times
gave me my own column. I was on the road with bands that I also had photos
of on my wall: Blur, Primal Scream, Oasis. That experience led
directly to the storyline of my first novel, 'Namedropper'.

***

Did you/do you often eat the supreme English low-rent delicacy beanz
and toast? Yum, delish!

When I lived in NYC I often went to Tea and Sympathy for beans on
toast. What's weird is it's something I would NEVER eat in London.

***

What music moved you as a wee lady growing up there? Did you LUV
Robbie Williams and his cheeze-tastic boy band Take That? Don't fib,
we are old friends!

My sister and I did absolutely love Take That and the Spice Girls
until respectively, Robbie left and Geri left. But mainly I loved a
band called The Manic Street Preachers, who were unbelievably
pretentious, which is ideal for a 16 year old who thinks she's smarter
than her teachers.

***

At what point and why did you decide to relocate to the States?

My mum is American so I have dual citizenship. But I came for good
when my first book, Namedropper, was published in the US. I wasn't very
happy at all in London. To go through adolescence in the public eye -
it ended up being super uncomfortable.

***

We used to be next door neighbors in the West Village in New York
City. You had pink hair, I ate 3 to 16 Magnolia Bakery cupcakes a day.
We had a super cute skateboard neighbor named Peter Sutherland.
Occasionally you would call him in a tizzy to come over and kill
stuff. What kind of stuff was it?

Waterbugs, aka giant flying cockroaches. They thrived on my tears, as I
was about to have a nervous break down, as documented in my 2nd book
'Thin Skin'. Though it's also poss they just thrived on discarded
cupcake wrappers.

***

So, you've written 3 books, all released by major publishing houses.
Can you give us a brief synopsis of each and tell us which company
published them? From where do you draw yr inspiration?

Well I've told you about the first two, the third was 'Cherries In The
Snow' for Crown and came from a life long love affair with make-up and
what it really represents (I say "it's like putting up expensive
wallpaper in a house that has already been condemned"). I am very
excited about my next book, 'Damage Control', due June 1st from
Harpercollins. It's an essay collection I edited on beauty obsession.
Contribs include Francesca Lia Block, Jennifer Belle, Marian Keyes,
Minnie Driver, Rose McGowan, Sarah Jones, me, tons of others. It's
very funny and very sad. Mainly just honest...

***

In 2000 or so, we went on a mini-tour across Europe with Cedric and
Omar of At The Drive-In's then side project, De Facto. At different
points in the adventure, we each got sortof soar with them. I got into
a screaming match with Omar at 3am on the streets of downtown Glasgow,
Scotland - while you were way annoyed with both boys later on in
London. Yr reason is waaay funnier than mine. What was it??? (Editors
note: 7 years later and they still worry that she's mad. Sware!)

They taunted us with their uproarious farts.

***

When you lived in Dirty NYC you worked primarily in magazine editorial
- interviewing fancypants celebs and such. What mags did you write
for? Then you moved more into the writing of yr novels - and now yr
living in Los Angeles and focusing more on writing movie screenplays
and television pilots. Can you tell us a bit about this transition?

I worked for everyone ever. Vogue, Vanity Fair, Harper's Bazaar, Time
Out, Guardian, NME, Interview, Blackbook, too many more. Now the only
one I've done journalism for in the last year is Conde Nast Traveller -
cos it meant taking my boyfriend's mother to a fancy spa!

***

Wondering, can you tell us yr Wu-Tang story? Pretty please? Blow our
minds, go!

I fell in love with ODB. He fell in love with me. There was
no touching beyond hand holding. He gave me a Wu name: Roberta Slacks,
because I wore the same jeans for a week.

***

Also, while I am guessing you can't name names - do you have any celeb
interview horror stories? Have any of them ever tried to kiss yr
face??

Of course they did. See above. I was seventeen and cute. Plus I just
got cuter each year as you can attest (for real, because I hated
myself less each year. Life begins at 25!) Anyway, yes I got hit on
and it was always flattering. Apart from someone like Liam Gallagher
and then you know, he has to hit on you, you even sense his boredom
whilst he's hitting on you.

***

One of the screenplays you wrote recently made it onto the Hollywood
"Black List" - a name that sounds super daunting but is actually quite
an excellent thing. Can you tell us about what being on this list
entails and what said screenplay is about? Raddest ever!

It's when the Hollywood producers and execs vote on their favorite
scripts of the year that have yet to go into production. Mine, which
we are putting together now, was up there just behind Martin McDonagh
who is my favorite writer. He wrote the play 'The Pillowman'. I don't
want to tell you what my script's about so I'll tell you what his is
about: sarcastic Irish hitmen.

***

Do you think you'll evs move back to the UK??

Hell no. England exists to crush your spirit: just ask MIA, Rachel
Weisz or any of the other young Brit gals I admire who skipped town
for the US.

***

Geez, yr such a talent! I wish I could be half as writesational as you.

You cannot. (Pause). You are your OWN writesation.

***

Rad! My own writesation. I'll take it.

Learn more about Lady Em at: http://www.emmaforrest.com/

Trevor Kelley is a full-time writer.

Trevor Kelley is a sharp-tongued, pencil thin, super cute, extra white punk rock kid from Simi Valley, California - who loves wearing those hyper-flamboyant gangster flat brim baseball caps. He always leaves the shiny manufacturers stickers on them - as this lets the world know that he's made it through a tuff life on the streets of S.V. - struggling his way past violent vegan pot luck brunches and oppressive all-ages shows at Gilman Street. Little dude just wrote a totally whip-smart book on emo culture with his lady bestie, Leslie Simon, the strikingly beautiful head honchette from Alternative Press magazine. (Itâ�™s entitled Everybody Hurts Everybody Hurts and will be released on April 24th through Harper Collins. You can find out about it at www.myspace.com/theemobook)

He's accomplished a lot for a boy of his tender young age (just turned 22!)

Someday if you wanted to, you could have a job just like his.

TK, you've been writing bout rock bands since you were just a wee snippet. You had yr own punk rock fanzine called Stop Breathin. Why is it spelled without a G?

Ummm... actually, it wasnâ�™t. But if I published it now, seeing that I wear Roc-A-Wear gear on the regular, I would have spelled â�œStop Breathingâ� without a â�œGâ� because itâ�™s hood.

Speaking of hood, a few weeks ago at a Fall Out Boy show, Jay Z offered me a piece of Orbit gum and I actually turned him down. I have no idea why I did that. Maybe because Iâ�™m anorexic.

Tell us all about your â�˜zine. Who were some of the most influential makers of music thatcha got to meet as a result of doing this?

Well, I didnâ�™t technically get to meet him, but Michael Stipe. He was actually a fan of Stop Breathing, and mentioned to his publicist that he wanted to do an interview with me, which seems totally insane now.

You have to understand, this was in the early â�™00s, just before â�œAround The Sunâ� and â�œRevealâ� started showing cracks in R.E.M.â�™s pop star armor. So it was really a big deal. It would sort of be like if Morrissey did an email interview with a webzine. Just totally unexpected and thrilling.

Anyway, the interview was great and, about six years later, my friend Brian ended up taking me out to drinks with Michael, at which point I tried to explain to him that I had talked to him many years ago for a fanzine I did.

He didnâ�™t remember, but I managed to completely embarrass myself by asking him about his dog (who is now dead) and drunkenly referring to him as â�œMikeâ� when we said goodbye at the end of the evening.

What mags do you write for now?

I write for Alternative Press and Spin and a couple others magazines run by some rather forgiving editors.

But I would love to be part of headline-writing team for The New York Post. Thatâ�™s my dream job. I mean, if I could come up with one-liners like â�œBritney Shears: Inside Spearsâ�™ meltdown,â� I could finally wake up in the morning, look myself in the mirror and say, â�œTrevor Kelley, you are somebody.â�

You got to go on like a 4 day booze cruise with My Morning Jacket or The Flaming Lips or whoever it was, I totes can't remember. Was it awesome? Give us the gossip on this.

Yes, it was totally awesome... until about 4:00 PM on the first day, at which point I realized that I was trapped on a boat with a bunch of drugged up retards for the next 72 hours. Ughhh.

I think I went to sleep at 10:00 PM the first day. The next morning I woke up and, at that point, we were docked in Mexico. I ended up wandering around the streets of wherever we were, trying to find some drugs. Obviously, that makes me sound like a terribly irresponsible journalist, but it makes sense in context of the assignment.

When I originally talked to my editor, the whole idea was to really soak in the culture of professional partiers, and turn in a sort of Hunter S. Thompson-like essay on it. But the problem with such an idea was that (A) Iâ�™m not Hunter S. Thompson and (B) once I began talking to these people and revealed I was a journalist, they all stopped talking to me.

Also, I couldnâ�™t find any drugs on my own, so I really had nothing to offer them. Basically, I looked like a mooch or a narc to everyone I talked to, which, apparently, are two things that professional partiers frown upon.

Anyway, in the midst of this rather miserable assignment, two people overdosed and were allegedly pronounced dead. Because of this, we all had to wait five hours to debark when we docked back in LA. The FBI ended up searching every cabin for drugs but, considering this was the last day of the cruise, they had all been consumed.

That was the inaugural year for that ridiculous festival and, surprise, they never made it to a second year. Thankfully, my story got downsized from a three-page essay to a news piece on the deaths, with commentary from the organizers and Wayne Coyne of the Lips.

The whole things was a bust. However, the Pina Coladas werenâ�™t half bad.

Do you like Avenged Sevenfold? Discuss!

Yes, in fact, I do!

I really enjoy the song â�œBat Country,â� but when I tried to download it as my ringtone, honest to God, it didnâ�™t work. Somehow this seemed ironic. Or karma.

What was the worst interview situation you've ever been in and why? What was the best?

Hmmm... maybe the booze cruise thing? That was pretty awful. The best? Duh, this one.

Are my questions ever so boring? I'm having a totally difficult time being silly right now. Feel free to re-write any of my questions in order to make them funnier.

No, no, no... confidence is the most important part of any interview, Teeter. I believe in you. Perhaps you should ask me why I keep the stickers on my fitted hats. Thatâ�™s something that Jonah Bayer would definitely ask.

Okay, how come?

Actually, thatâ�™s a really personal question. Next!

Okay, let's discuss Everybody Hurts. Les-o and you got a book deal the day after yr 21st birthday! I know this because we had just had a big surprise party for you at Applebees and you had that lethal combo of an entire Bloomin' Onion and four or five too many Long Island Ice Teas. Remember?

I do. Unfortunately, I puked all over the velour Roc-A-Wear sweat suit I was wearing. That was kind of a bummer.

Why do I tell you every time I see you that someone needs to give you a pork chop?

The answer to this question is obvious, Teeter: Because no one has given me a pork chop in the time that Iâ�™ve known you.

That, and because Iâ�™m anorexic.

Who are some of yr fave bands of right now?

I like Dr. Dog a lot. I also think the new Modest Mouse and Fall Out Boy records are fantastic.

However, there hasnâ�™t been an album that was released in 2007 that has been as good as this season of â�œThe Surreal Life Fame Games.â� That show is a little bit of magic sprinkled onto each and every one of our lives.

Yr funny. I like you. In closing, someone needs to give you a porkchop.

-www.myspace.com/theemobook-

Todd Richards is a full-time shredder.

Todd Richards can totally walk but in 2001 he starred in the movie â�œOut Coldâ� as a dude

in a wheelchair. Heâ�™s not even an actor by trade, heâ�™s a professional snowboarder and

has been fer ages â�“ but the kind who is so impossibly handsome that he could easily

double as a JC Penneys runway model or, like, a senior member of Panic! At The Disco.

He has seen the whole world a zillion times over from the bindings of a snowboard

but has never been too cool to act like a total wingnut.

Someday if you wanted to, you could have a job just like his.

***

Ok, so - let's start this jam in the standard procedure way â�“ with you introducing yrself and

telling us what yr job is. Also, how do you even know me and do you think I am funny?

I think you are one of the funniest humans I have ever known and

at this point in life I know alot of humans.

My name is Todd Richards. I have been a professional slacker for the past 17 years.

My jobtitles as of now are as follows: pro snowboarder, snowboard company owner,

TV commentator and shit talker.

I have known Teeter Sperber since a long time ago through

her sister. She has one of the most challenging vocabularies these ears have

ever tried to decipher. Honestly, she uses like six SAT words in a

sentence describing a cup of coffee.

***

You were a skate nerd-4-life in suburban Massachusetts

before you even touched a snowboard, right?

Yes, I was a skate nerd.

Actually, more of just a nerd that found skateboarding.

***

As a skateboarder/punk rocker kickin' around before

the global/ commercial explosion of the sport

did you used to get hassled by jocks?

Dear Baby Jesus, I sure did.

Not only did my stature make me a target, (5'2 until I graduated high school)

I had some really fucked up hair and wore clothes that were considered offensive

to insecure steak neck types, so they tried to kill me alot.

***

My how times must have changed!

Yeah, who would have thought that the whole

skater thing would get you action in high school now?

***
When and how and where did snowboarding enter into yr life?

I started snowboarding in the end of my freshmen year of high school.

The winter was particularly shitty that year, so there was no skating to be had.

One of my friends had a snowboard so I tried it. That was my first time.

Actually, the equipment was so shitty then that it was more like sledding standing up.

***
Who are yr sponsors?

The companies that are currently contributing to this

arrested development of mine are: Quiksilver, DC, Omatic Snowboards, Spy Optics,

Nixon Watches, Boost Mobile (free phones) and North Star at Tahoe resort.

***

Explain to those who might not know what having a sponsor in snowboard world

even entails. What do they do fer you and what are yr responsibilities to them?

The whole deal with being a sponsored athlete for these companies is that I am

essentially an indentured servant. I go where they want and do what they want me to,

but I love the life they provide so...

***

In terms of yr on-snow career, was it more about

entering competitions or filming and freeriding?

For sure I loved the whole contest thing with snowboarding, as long as I was winning.

No, for real, the traveling circus of contests was really fun.

You basically went to compete, but ended up seeing the world with all your pals.

Now I really like the no stress approach, filming and the like.

***

When you started shredding, did you ever imagine it would take you this far in life?

I mean really, you wrote an autobiography! (I totally read it, cover to cover, no lie.)

No friggen way. I was just looking for something to take the place of skating

in the winter months. I still canâ�™t believe that I get paid to do

something that I would do anyhow.

***

What are the 5 super raddest places you

have traveled on the company dime?

I would say the most awesomest place is Japan. Itsâ�™ the raddest place ever.

If you have ever seen Lost in Translation, itâ�™s pretty much that exactly.

Um, there have been alot of places; Europe, all over the US, Scandinavia, I canâ�™t

really name five. Oh wait, Fiji - that is the best place ever. Tavarua Resort, man.

I could live there.

***

In 1998, you competed in the Nagano Olympics - was that

completely surreal bananas?

It was surreal. It didnâ�™t hit me that I was really in the

Olympics until the Opening Ceremony.

***

Did you like the outfit you had to wear, complete with branded

US Team gear and everything?

Yeah, it was great. I mean everyone feels comfortable in a

fleece trenchcoat and a cowboy hat.

***
Ok ok, I'm sorry in advance, but I just can't not touch this one - in 2001 you

played Barry, a dude in a wheelchair, in the movie "Out Cold." This was one of the first

batch of films to try and capitalize on the burgeoning popularity of snowboarding.

Lee Majors, the dude that played "The Six Million Dollar Man" for like 137 1/2 years

on TV - starred in this movie - did you guys kick it!?

If by kick it you mean, did I see him hamsteaked, dancing

around a bar air-guitaring with a pool cue to

Who Let The Dogs Out, then yes, we hung.

***

What were the coolest/lamest aspects of doing this?

It was really cool to see all the behind the scenes of a movie set,

and to be in a feature film is really a funny life experience.

The shitty part was all the hurry up and wait crap. Get up at 5:30am and

not do a thing till 3 in the afternoon.

***

Did yr friends make fun of you at all?

They would not be my friends if they didnâ�™t

give me shit about that one.

***

Somewhere along the line, you transitioned slightly out of competitive snow

shredding and more into the realm of being a Sports Announcer Guy (oof, so sorry, what's

the actual name for that?) for both ESPN and NBC, covering not only the Alt Alt Alt Games,

but the Olympics as well. How did that come about and did it take formal training?

Well, I got hurt one year and was sidelined. ESPN thought it would be cool to have me

announce some runs for a contest. I guess I did a good job since Iâ�™ve been invited back

every year to do the same thing. And no, there was not any formal training. I figure Iâ�™m

going to have a running commentary for everyone around me, I might

as well get paid for it.

***

Now that you've been doing this for awhile,

do you and Bob Costas roll deep?

Bob Costas is 2 feet tall with heels on.

***

Fer as long as I have known you existed, which has been like 137 Â½ years, you

have been obsessed with toys. Is this still the case?

I do have quite the toy collection. Itâ�™s all put away now. As soon as my

son is of age I will have the unveiling. He will crap his pants.

***

So check it: you may or may not be aware of this - but yr the reason I got into good

music in the first place. Before I knew you I was a total hippie dirt merchant, following

Phish on tour and selling Snapple and Grilled Cheese in the parking lot at their shows.

Youâ�™ve got great taste. Hit us with the names of some of yr fave bands of the moment

and tell us about of yr way of discovering new music.

Well, at least you can admit that.

I am currently listening to: Tokyo Police Club,

Most Serene Republic, The Figurines,

Years Around The Sun, Goodbye Blue Monday.

Pretty much my way of finding obscure

bands and claiming that I heard them first is the interweb.

There are a few sites that I can

sniff around on and find bands by region.

I really like certain regions

sounds; San Diego, Gainesville Florida, and Toronto

have been producing good sounds lately.

***

Also, what are a few of yr all-time faves?

Oh - Jawbreaker, At the Drive-In,

The Jazz June, Pinback,

Hot Snakes, Samiam,

Sparta - the list is
really long.

***

What can kids look for from TR in the next 5 years?

Oh man, just more of the same.

I really want to have another good video part

before I check out of this game. We are doing another

DC Mountain Lab video this year so look for that.

***
In summing up, you have a totally rad job.

Yeah, I pretty much do.

http://www.omaticsnowboards.com

Max Bemis is a full-time rocker.

MAX BEMIS

SAY ANYTHING

When this worldâ�™s maker of creatures, whoever that might be, made

Max Bemis â�“ he/she immediately threw away all of the blueprints and technical instructions

that would allow another human to be made even remotely like him.

Max is a double handsome well-schooled punk rock brainiac. A wearer of ironic vintage fashion itemz. A

distant wizard of wordsmithery and a haver of fantastical spazz tendencies.

Someday if you wanted to, you could have a job just like his.

***

Q. Maxim Adam Bemis, we are friends because ages ago, before the release
of ...Is A Real Boy I was hired to write some funny voice-over sketches
that were going to {Rest In Peace!} appear in between the songs on
the record. Many of these sketches were going to focus on a
You-Against-The-Major-Label-World type theme.

Now, years later, yr a successful artist in the fabled cat birds seat on
a rad major label that loves yr guts and believes in you 137 and a
1/2 percent. How's that all working out for you? Has yr perspective
totally shifted from the anti Globo-Chem Corp type sentiments we were
both feeling at the time?

A. Well, Teet, although globalization is a scary thing and the man is no
doubt priority number one in terms of things to be tackled by the music
and creative community as a whole, I believe corruption of hope from the
inside of the so called "underground community" is just as much if not
more threatening to the common good and that's more what the album
is about.

The character in the "story" discovers that by alienating the
"normal" people around him he has become as discriminatory and fascist
as any large corporation. So, I worry more about being true to myself and
my artistic intentions, friends, and those who believe in me then the
big company that is backing me. It is better to immerse yourself in
life and make a difference then to turn your back on everything.

***

Q. Yr job right now is to get yr mind blowing tunery out to the
rock-loving world at large. In order to do this on the level that yr at,
it takes ten tons of work. Tell us some of the most demanding aspects of
what you do. Is it doing interviews like this one that ask the same
questions every time!?

A. Thanks Teet, I sure do think you're swell. The interviews are actually
kinda fun for me because I like speaking my mind. Performing long sets
can be physically and emotionally draining, as fun as it is. Being on
tour is like being an alien...you don't live a normal life and I miss
that sometimes. Also, we've had to play the same songs for three
years in a row because this record has been getting bigger. I'm ready
to play some new stuff in the near future!

***

Q. You've been on tour for the last 137 and a 1/2 years. At present, yr in
Dirty NYC prepping for yr new record. Can you tell the kids what
pre-production for an album entails? And what this new album is going to
be like? We've talked about it being a double disc. Is that still
happening? Bananas! Deets, please.

A. It may or may not be a double disc. We are going to work on
practicing the 23 full band songs we have for the record â�“ and then our
producer, Brad, is going to come in halfway through that process and
help us cut the fat, do creative stuff and pretty much plan out what
we're going to do. We begin tracking the record February 1st in NYC.

***

Q. Do you love yr life and would you recommend it to mini-rockers who
are looking to make music their full-time job? Any other pearls of
wisdom, smartie?

A. I do love my life - it is a dream come true and I have by far
surpassed any true expectations I've had for this band - getting to play
and interact with many musical heroes of mine, play for large
groups of kids who connect with me and my music. I think if your heart
is really in it, which only you know, it's certainly something worth
pursuing and is within anyone's grasp - as long as they put in the blood
sweat and tears and other bodily fluids.

***

Q. Tell us how much you love your cat and dogs, because, if I remember
correctly, it's an inordinate amount of love.

A. I miss my dog Benji. He was the best dog in the world. I LOVE all
other dogs and cats, especially my cat Chloe, who is the strangest cat in
the world and also the most talkative. I have a total of two dogs and
one cat living with my parents. I come visit them.

***

Q. Yr mom is the coolest! {Luv you, Shif.} Yr dad, who makes totally
sweet Hollywood movie posters, did the package design fer ...Is A Real
Boy. Yr way lucky to have rents who have always been so super supportive
of yr career and yr naturally flashy Max style, dontcha think? Bemises
4ever!

A. My whole family rules and my parents have been more than supportive.
Rather than have to sign to a major label early to finance touring full
time and getting really good equipment, I borrowed a bunch of money from
my parents. Major labels were interested in paying me much more,
but I wasn't ready to sign my life away. My parents thought it would be
better for me to be able to choose later so they gave me the freedom to
pursue music for a year without having to sign to a bigger label.
When I was ready and found the right label I immediately payed them
back. To this day my mom is my biggest fan and coach and my dad is my
creative idol.

***

Q. You went to the same fancypants private high school as Blake

Schwarzenbach, lead singer of seminal 90's punk rock
band Jawbreaker - he's the coolest ever! Another dude that went to yr
high school was Robert Schwartzman, lead singer of Rooney, whose fake
last name is Carmine, who is only medium rad, if that. Will you be doing
any snow shoe-ing this winter?

A. Wow, Blake from Jawbreaker went to my high school? What the fuck. I
didn't know that. I would have given it a small moderation of respect
then, being that I see it as a den of sin. Just kidding, it's not
terrible. There are a few great teachers but also many spoiled idiot brats
being bred into cookie cutter people. I am not familiar with the term
snow shoe-ing but if it's anything that the dudes in Rooney are doing, I
doubt it. If it involves Jawbreaker, or actual snow, I'm game.

***

Q. Maxim Adam Bemis, I love you like a little brother. Do you love me
like the senile Granny that I am?

A. You are more like that savvy, awesome older cousin that introduces
you to Smashing Pumpkins and her hot friends. I love you.

http://www.sayanythingmusic.com/

Hello, I am Teeter. Yes, this first entry is chock full of links, cause there is lots of ground to cover. I apologize for that.

Ahoy Pirate Friends!

My name is Teeter Sperber, and I am here on FOE/Buzznet because Miss Bonnie Jane is one of my most favoritest humans on the earth entire and we desperately wanted to be in each others e-company.

The scoop on me is this: My 3 sisters and I own a cutest ever/silly/generally awesome handbag and accesories line called 31 Corn Lane. It's named after the childhood address of where we grew up in suburban New Jersey. (Jersey #1!) We like to make wholesome fashions for nice girls.

If yr familiar with Clandestine Industries, which I am guessing you are, then maybe you've heard of my company - as we are the spazzes behind the collaborative Polka Dot Supertote, Wallet, and Brass Keychain "Accesories Galore Combo" that came out recently.

Through 31CL, the sisters and I get to work with bands and people we think are rad - one excellent example is Say Anything - we just designed this funny Tour-Only Boat Tote for them to peddle from the merch table. We think they're aces.

For a little while there, I sang some tunes and played some sweet star-shaped tambourine for Pennsylvania's premiere fakenotfake mall emo band, Ley Royal Scam.

I spend my summers at High Cascade Snowboard Camp, which is hands down the most magical place ever - the most fun I've had in life for a whole 90 days in a row. If you love to shred and want to do so in a short sleeve t-shirt, on a glacier, with a zillion cool teens from all over the country - this is yr jam.

This is all their is to know about me! I just wanted to explain in case anyone was wondering where I came from. I will be posting more in the very near future - I'm planning to do a series of profiles on RAD GIRLS (boys too, defs) WITH FUN JOBS.

My first interviewee will be Todd Richards, a full-time crazybrains dude who makes his living as a professional snowboarder and an announcer for the Olympics, amongst doing 137 1/2 zillion other cool things. Kindof a rad career for a nerdy Massachusetts skate spazz who grew up being (and never stopped being) obsessed with toys, no!? See, amazing work options are endless.

I love Veronica Mars.

Yr my favorite bird,